Beautifully Unfinished
by littleinbetweens
Summary: "but maybe all that we were meant to be is beautifully finished." after 5 years of marriage and an 18 month old daughter, erin had finally had enough of jay. his actions caused her to leave him with their daughter and later file for divorce. is it possible that they could regain what they once had or was this meant to be for them?
1. Chapter 1

yelling and screaming roared through erin and jay's apartment and it wasn't from their 18 month old daughter. they have been doing this for the past month. jay was always out and about with the other guys from the 21st while erin was at home with their daughter, layla.

erin had just gotten layla to bed when her husband entered the messy apartment and made his way toward the bedroom quite loud. of course he didn't know that their daughter was in there sleeping. erin had always been very protective over her daughter and was still very hesitant to put her in her nursery that is parallel to theirs. quickly making her way to the bedroom she could tell that jay had a little bit too much to drink tonight and that was the final straw for her.

"will you keep it down" she said in a stern voice that was hushed so she wouldn't disturb the sleeping infant. "i just got layla to bed"

"sorry?" he responds like he doesn't care and walks back to the living room. erin follows in tow very frustrated at him.

"where were you?" she said in the calmest voice she could leaving up against the door frame.

"i was with ruzek and atwater"

"what were you doing with them because they obviously didn't tell you to stop drinking after two beers" now she was starting to get frustrated with him

"what is your problem? are you on your period or something?" he retorts. erin could tell that he was frustrated too but it was only because he wanted to be left alone, not being interrogated.

"that is none of your business!"

"well i don't get why you are so angry at me then?"

"you are never here jay! i'm the one that had to take care of layla. i'm the one who has given up my life to be a mother. and you are just out partying like some college student." she raises her voice but is still not enough to wake anybody up "not to mention that a few days ago while you were out with the guys again i was here trying to hold myself together because it was the anniversary of our other daughters death." by this time tears were clouding up her vision and she avoided her gaze towards jay who suddenly remembered that day all over again like it was yesterday.

 _before erin and jay were ever engaged they had another daughter who was not more than 3 months before she passed. little ella camille was born pre mature with lots of complications. she was so tiny, erin stayed with her in the nicu ever since she was born. jay practically had to drag her out of there to get her to eat or walk around. after she passed erin was devastated and that's when jay started to drift away. he felt like there was nothing he could do for her._

 _(end of flashback, sorry if it was crappy)_

"er, i..." he stuttered

"don't, you don't get to do that" by this time years were streaming down her cheeks. by this time all jay wanted to do was wrap his arms around her. "you don't get to be all lovely dovey after what you've done this past month. i've been here ever since i got off of work taking care of layla and where were you? because it was obviously not here with me. you are barely here jay." erin sighed and jay was completely speechless.

"you promised me that you would be here. you promised me that you would take care of us. but after that last day in the hospital with ella you went distant. and don't you dare act like you don't know what i'm talking about" she said sternly sitting down in the chair diagonal from the couch jay was sitting

jay sighed, "erin i am so sorry, there had just been a lot of stuff going on in my mind. i guess i just blocked it out"

erin scoffs "did you even want layla?"

"how could you say that?" by now jay was angry

"i'm sorry that i had to say that, but it's bluntly obvious that you didn't want her" erin's voice starts getting louder. her daughter sleeping in the other room completely left her mind

it was the longest 10 seconds until he finally responded. "no. no i didn't want you to get pregnant again" he confessed. erin lightly laughed "i knew it, i knew it all along and i really hoped that you wouldn't confess it." "erin it isn't a big deal." he interrupted. "no you have no idea how bad you just screwed up!" erin yelled.

not even a second after she finished her sentence cries soon filled the apartment. jay started to get up but erin practically sprinted toward the room to console their daughter. jay slowly got up and headed towards the bedroom once he felt like it was safe. the first sight he sees is erin walking around the room with their daughters head resting on her shoulder. her blue eyes could be seen through the darkness, just the lights from the living room shined through the bedroom.

"erin i didn't mean what i said" he said quietly hopefully not disturbing her

"no jay you made your statement pretty clear." she brushes past him and walks towards layla's room. set her down in the crib while she went back to their room to grab a bag. she quickly started putting the necessary items for layla for at least a week and once she was done she went back to their room and packed stuff for her. it only took her 10 minutes to get hers and layla's stuff in her car before coming back to grab layla before she'd leave.

"where are you going?" jay looked like a sad puppy.

"i'll probably be at hank's. all i know is i can't stay here. i'm sorry jay" she looked at him with sad eyes. "say goodnight to daddy" she motioned to layla. handing her to jay. jay immediately took ahold of his daughter and gave her a kiss on the head before whispering to her without erin hearing. once he was done he respectively handed her back to her mother. "bye er" he said before she shut the door to now the lonely apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

it took erin longer than usual to get to hank's house from hers. maybe she took the long way, or she was so upset that she really just wasn't paying much attention. thankfully the time in the car lulled layla back to sleep so erin didn't have to worry getting her to bed at hank's. once she pulled in the driveway she stopped the car and glanced at the clock. it was almost 2 am so she knew that he would be in the worst mood as possible when she would ring the doorbell. she quickly got out and went to the seat behind hers to grab her sleeping child, carefully picked her up trying not to disturb her and knocked on the door hoping hank will come come open it up.

erin was focused on looking at layla that she didn't notice he had open up the door.

"what are you doing driving at 2 am with layla?" hank was concerned

"i couldn't stay with jay. can i please just put her down in the crib and then i will explain." motioning towards the sleeping child. "sure. i'll get your stuff." he said after she walked through the door. making her way towards her old bedroom she set layla down in the crib hank had put in for her when she got to visit with him. covered her up with her soft purple polka dot blanket and lightly gave her a kiss on her head. "mommy's sorry baby girl, it's wasn't supposed to be like this" she whispered before she exited the room.

quietly making it back toward the kitchen area where hank was already seated with two cups of coffee. she cautiously pulled out the chair next to him waiting for him to yell at her. what seemed like 10 mins without talking, words were finally spoken.

"look, erin, i don't know what is going on between you two. but whatever it is you need to find a way to get through this." he spoke softly

tears were starting to cloud her vision again. "i don't think we can get past this dad." hank knew that she only calls him dad when it was very serious. he sighed "what did halstead do this time?" erin looked down at the table not wanting to make eye contact with him "for the past month he's been out with the guys, drinking. he doesn't come home until like 1. that's usually when i get layla to bed the second time. i usually just ignore it but today i just finally snapped. he even confessed something that i hope wouldn't be true but..." sobs took over her body. all hank wanted to do was make everything go away. he thought they were both fine as a couple, better in fact. after he saw them when they lost ella he thought everything would have fallen apart between them. once erin composed herself she spoke once more "he said he didn't want me to get pregnant again. and he basically didn't want layla" and then broke down once more. hearing it the second time felt like she heard it the first. heart wrenching sobs over took her body she started to shake uncontrollably.

hank immediately wrapped his arms around his daughter trying to console. within seconds he short was soaked with her tears. "i'm so sorry erin" he whispered. "i'm so so sorry." once she finally calmed down it was 3:30 in the morning. she carefully got up from the table and walked to her bedroom but before she got to her door she looked back at hank who was still sitting in the kitchen. "thanks" she said quietly. "no problem kiddo. stay as long as you'd like. i'll give you a week off." he responded back. "i appreciate it." and walked into her room and glanced down at her precious daughter. she leaned down into the crib and picked her and took her over to the full sized bed. setting her on one side putting a wall of pillows around her so she wouldn't fall off the bed. and then walked over to the other side and slipped underneath the covers. checking her phone one last time before she went to sleep she saw over a hundred texts and calls from jay wondering if she made it okay. she responds where she was and that they were both okay before completely turning off her phone and setting it on the nightstand next to her. gently rolling over on her other side to face the sleeping child. she watches her stomach rise and fall before falling asleep herself.


	3. Chapter 3

emptiness. that's all jay felt when he was left alone in the apartment. pure and utter silence. nothing could ever fill the void that was left of him. all he wanted was erin and his daughter and he let them both slip through his fingers. seeing that it was almost almost 4 in the morning and he just got a text from erin that she made it safety. he slowly walked towards the bedroom to get some sleep. peeking into the crib his daughter once was in not too long ago. he leaned into the portable crib and picked up the small light pink elephant that he insisted he should get for his little girl before she was born. they took it everywhere, even when she was a newborn and didn't understand the concept of it. that pink elephant was everything to layla as she started getting older, she never slept without it. he wondered how she could be sleep now since she was at hank's and her animal was here. but without thinking he carried the animal to the bed and set it down on erin's side of the bed, face towards him while he got under the covers on his side and stared at it. eventually he fell asleep, but only to be woken up 4 hours later due to his alarm clock. with a sigh he reluctantly got out of bed to get ready for work. though he debated on going in, one he could be killed by hank or two erin would be there and there would be major tension. after thinking his options he just decides to go, getting killed wouldn't be the worst part. he deserved it after what he's done.

before he left the apartment he went back into the room to grab the stuffed elephant so he could give it to hank to give to erin if she wasn't there today. it was a only a 15 minute drive to get to the precinct. it felt very different today, he normally doesn't normally get to drive. heck he doesn't ever get to drive, no matter how hard he tried to convince erin nothing would change her mind and that's one of the things he loves about her. just thinking about all of this s making him miss her more and how he wished he could take all of the things he said back. of course he loved layla with all of his heart, but just the fact that the same thing could've happened to her like it did with ella scared him. it took erin a long time after the incident to finally break down the walls she put around herself. he didn't want the same thing to happen, but then layla started getting older he knew that there was nothing to be scared of anymore. from the day she was born he promised erin that he will do anything to protect their daughter. after a long time of thinking he finally made it to work scared to face what was going to come at him. still do this day jay was till very intimidated by his now father in law, no matter how many times erin said that hank has warmed up to him. there was still a little tension between them now a days. and especially in this circumstance he knows he's going deep underneath. he did the one thing hank told him not to do and that was hurt her and that's exactly what he did.

slowly making his way up towards intelligence with a stuffed elephant might i add, jay was watching all of his surroundings. thankfully nobody was there yet so that made him feel a lot better. having some time to process what might happen the whole day.

"halstead..." hank said very monotone. jay earning a glare. once he felt like it was safe he went into his office and shut the door.

"look, i know you really don't want to see me right now, but could you at least give this to erin." hank looks up from his papers to see layla's elephant. he slowly takes it from jay's hand and puts it near his stuff so he won't forget it. "erin was kind of in a hurry and she forgot it. i don't know how layla could sleep without it. anyways that's all i came here for." jay said in the calmest voice ever. before he exited the room hank started to speak once more. "you know i had second thoughts when i said that you and erin could be a couple. then you prove me wrong by showing me how happy you made her. and then you go asking me for permission to marry her, of course i said yes. with one exception, don't hurt her, but then your marriage went on and you two had layla and you two proved me wrong." he looked at jay very sternly but not enough to scare him. "erin told you what happened" jay sighed and sat down on the chair hank had in his office. his head was in his hands not wanting to what hank has to say next.

"she did, and i know that you feel bad, and i get why you thought of that reason. it's just you and her have worked as a team ever since i first hired you. you two have been through a lot of hardships and i believe that if you make a good comeback. i know you still love her and i know that you never meant to say those things. things just happen." jay looked at hank. he never would have expected him to say such words.

"thanks boss, i'll try to make it up to her." jay said as he got up from the chair heading for the door once again

"i know you will. look i gave erin a week off, but maybe in a few days you could drop by the house and try to talk with her. i know she still loves you, i can see it in her eyes and yours too." hank smiled and went back to the papers on his desk.

jay went out and sat down at his desk. he felt very content. he started to think of what he was going to say to er when he would see her in a few days. but who he mostly wanted to see was his little princess. casually looking around he spots a picture frame on erin's desk and walks over towards it. it was something he's never seen before, erin was never the one to display photos. she always hated when the other members of the team had some lying around, but here she is. the frame folded up and contained two photos. on the left was a photo of them when layla was born, erin was looking down at her newborn while jay was looking down at both of the from the side of the bed. neither of them knew that photo was taken until the team surprised them with it one day. and the one on the right was a picture of layla on her first birthday not too long ago. cake was smeared all over her but she had the biggest smile on her face. jay lightly set the photos back down where erin had them and walked by his desk. having hope that he could make all of this work.

a/n: sorry about the format in the first two chapters, I'm very new to this whole site. I used to just post stories on wattpad but I finally decided to put stuff on here too. thanks for being patient with me.


	4. Chapter 4

jay was debating whether on visiting erin for quite sometime now. a positive would be that he will get to see his daughter again which he misses dearly. he misses everything about her, her smile, her laugh, and the one thing he can't resist is when erin his holding her. he will never get over that feeling, ever. on the other side if he does go over there erin might chew his ass out and probably won't let him step foot into the doorway. instead with jay being jay he decides to go over the the residence where his wife and daughter have currently made themselves home.

taking the longest way possible, jay starts to formulate what he is going to say when he sees her. "hi", no wait "i'm sorry." no she's already gotten enough of that, maybe "can we try to talk", eh it's worth a shot. might as well just wing it considering he can't even figure out a sentence. 30 minutes later and he was already parked in the driveway, not budging at all. he thought about turning around and doing it some other time but he knew if he did that he will never be back to talk to her. slowly he makes his way out of the car and towards the big door he's stepped through multiple times. each being more intimidating than the first. he can already hear playful screams through the door, erin's voice echoing they hyperactive daughter to calm down. he knocked on the door twice and within seconds erin opens the door and stands still.

"hi.." jay says in a calm voice not only to be woken up with loud shrieks from layla calling for her daddy. erin softly steps to the side making enough room for jay to enter through the entry way. heading towards his daughter. he happily picks her up and kisses her cheek. which then again came more happy shrieks that could blow your ear out. while closing the door erin couldn't help but smile at the cute moment. she's never seen her daughter this happy since they left the apartment.

erin gracefully walks to where her still husband and daughter are on her play mat on the carpeted floor. taking in each moment, each laugh. everything in her sight she wanted it all back. "it took you long enough" she spoke catching jay's attention. "yeah well, i didn't know if you would like me to come or not." he responds back still paying attention to layla.

erin sighed "she missed you"

"i missed her too" jay says with a smile on his face diverting his focus to erin. she slightly smiles back. "thanks for the elephant. i can't believe i forgot it." erin is just obviously trying to make conversation so this whole moment wouldn't be too awkward. "you're welcome."

"hey er, i know that this isn't going to change your mind. but what i did it wasn't my intent to hurt you. i didn't mean for those words to come out of my mouth." jay said softly

erin did her signature eye roll before responding "of course. you are just gonna blame it on being drunk. were you ever going to tell me?"

jay stayed silent. "i should have known that too..." erin sighs

"er."

"no. stop calling me that" erin grew frustrated.

by this time layla was starting to sense something was going on. so she started to cry. erin reluctantly picks her up. "looks like someone needs a nap" layla then put her head in the crook of her neck and instantly calmed down to her mothers touch. "i'll be back" erin says as she starts heading towards the bedroom.

jay interrupts her "can i go? or maybe i could put her down?"

"uh, yeah i guess. here pumpkin go to daddy" she says as she passes layla over to jay's arms. at first she cries softly not wanting to leave her mothers embrace. but immediately settles down when she inhaled the sent of her father she hasn't been with in days. slowly starting to doze off, erin gives her a light kiss on the top of her head before jay exists the room. walking down the hallway full of pictures until he steps into the warmth of erin's childhood room. gently placing layla into her crib, covering her up with her soft purple blanket and nestling her stuffed elephant right next to her.

he got so lost in watching her little chest rise up and down he never noticed erin's presence nearby.

"she's pretty great isn't she" erin says softly. smile on her face. "yeah she is" responding back not taking his eyes off of her. he then slowly walks out of the room with erin in tow after she lightly shuts the door. once jay enters in the living room area he starts to pick up layla's toys until erin stops him and says that their princess will only make it messier when she wakes up. erin practically falls onto the couch and lies down. jay followed the same motion and sat next to her where her head was. of course erin being desperate she picks up her head and lays it in jay's lap recalling all of the memories she's done this in the past. jay smiled down at her and gently started to comb through her hair making her instantly fall asleep. jay then turned on the tv to some weird show before dozing off himself.


	5. Chapter 5

erin slowly started to wake up. her brain was a little fuzzy from what happened earlier. not realizing that she was laying on top of something rather comfy, breathing in a familiar sent. suddenly her eyes popped right out of her head, that familiar sent. it was none other than her husband, jay.

at first she thought the whole thing was just a nightmare but then begun to realize that it wasn't. that her and jay were living in separate places at the time. "well looks like you two had a nice nap" hank rasped out carrying layla on his hip. crap, erin shot up making sure hank didn't think they made up or anything because they still aren't on the best terms. "yeah i guess it was nice. now can i please see my daughter" by now she was trying to squirm out of her grandpas grip and straight to her mother. "hey pumpkin. did you have a nice nap?" erin light up as she held her above her head. layla smiled from ear to ear. screeching at some points. "how about we wake up daddy? does that sound fun?" layla only made inaudible noises. erin lightly placed her down next to jay and watched as she crawled up on top of him. making a few grunting noises because of the fact she wasn't strong enough to get that high. erin, of course picked her up and moved her to where she was practically on his chest. how he stayed asleep to all of this was beyond her.

but of course when layla started to bounce up and down and hit her father in multiple places. jay then woke up startled, jolting his body. causing layla's lip to quiver and started crying. jay reluctantly pulled her into his chest trying to console her. it didn't take that long to get her to calm down. "gosh jay. don't scare our daughter like that again" erin said sarcastically. which jay picked up on "well it's hard not to be scared when you are woken up by someone hitting you. and i wonder where she gets that from" staring straight at erin. "so not nice" erin retorted

"to be fair jay, you've done your share" hank stated

"ha!" erin pointed to jay

"see layla? this is what i have to deal with on a daily basis" jay pointed out to the little girl in his arms. just watching the world go by.

erin got up from where she was and made her way over to the two. resting her head on jay's shoulder. gazing down at her daughter who was about to be asleep for the second time in 30 ish minutes. "now this is what i like to see" hank said "do you two want anything?"

"i think we're good. but do you mind getting her blanket from the room?" erin questioned.

"of course. elephant too?"

"um yeah. just in case"

seconds later hank came back with the fuzzy blanket and the pink elephant. including a blanket for erin seeing as before he left she was starting to doze off again. before he covered them up he took a moment to just look at the cute, somewhat happy family. before leaving them for awhile.

later that day after everyone ate. jay was getting ready to go back to the apartment but of course layla didn't want her father to leave again. she wouldn't let him put her down at all. she practically had a death grip on him. as much as erin didn't want her to go she finally spoke up seeing it was getting pretty late and he had to get to work the next day.

"you can... ummm... you can take her for the night?" jays head gazed toward her making sure he heard right.

"i mean if you want. but i really don't think she wants to be separated from you. and as much as i want her to be here with me. i can't keep her away from you that long." erin started making her way towards the two.

"yeah. i promise i'll bring her back to you in the morning" jay smiled

"i know you will. i just hope things were a little different."

"me too" he placed a kiss on erin's head and passed layla over to her while he went to get some of her things to take with him.

once he came back with with a few on layla's things. erin gave her back to jay, giving her a kiss on the cheek and watched them go out the door. she now felt pretty lonely. "you did good kid" hank came up from behind her. "yeah, i know. but why does it still hurt so much" her voice started to break. turning around she immediately went into hanks arms and he held her for a while.

back at home jay had just put the baby down in the crib in the bedroom and went back to the living room to watch anything he could find on tv. texting erin that everything is fine and that she will see her as soon as she wakes up. seeing as there was nothing on he decides to go to bed. taking a second to look in the crib to watch her sleep before going to sleep himself.


	6. Chapter 6

it was bright and early when little layla decided to wake jay up from his nights sleep. seeing as it was almost an hour earlier then he should be awake to get ready for work. he slowly gets out of the bed and pads over to the pack n' play when his daughter currently lays. as he gets closer the the side layla looks up at his with her big blue eyes and throws her arms up wanting to be picked up and into his arms. he leans into the crib grabbing her and setting her down on his hip, laying her head in the crook of his neck, feeling safe. then he bends down again taking hold of her elephant and passed it to her by making it dance. she started to giggle and took it from his hands and cuddled with it. "let's go get you dressed and then we can play for awhile before i have to start getting ready." he says in his baby voice which erin thought was adorable and always made fun of him for it.

getting her dressed in leggings with white polkadots and a thin long sleeve shirt with a penguin on it. he set her down on the floor and scattered some toys in front of her before he layed on his side in front of her with his arm propping his head. layla started giggling with excitement at all of her toys she hasn't seen in a while which made jay smile. it was still hard for him that erin wasn't here with them at this very moment, she would have loved this moment. "no no no that doesn't go in your mouth" he raises his voice and crawls over to where his daughter decided to almost put something small in her mouth that he left on the floor by accident. she perked up immediately stunned by the tenseness in her fathers voice but wouldn't let go of what she had in her hand. once jay is close to her he gently tries to take it out of her hand but she wouldn't budge. he practically had to rip it out of her tiny hands causing her to scream her head off. sighing he picks her up and takes her to the kitchen where he starts making her bottle before going to the bedroom to get ready for work. after making the bottle he hands it to get which calms her down a little and sets her in the crib while he's gets ready. it only takes him about 45 minutes to take a very quick shower, brush his teeth, and get dressed. layla of course had fallen back asleep during the whole time her was getting ready so he took it as an opportunity to get her stuff together so he can take her to hanks before he went to the district and to grab something quick to eat. once everything was done he gently picked up the sleeping child and put her in the car seat and headed to the residence erin was currently located.

slowly gathering the still sleeping child from the car he finally made his way to the door and rang the doorbell. not even 5 seconds is standing there erin appears at the door panicked. "er, are you okay?" jay said very worried.  
"yeah, i'm.. i don't know at the moment." she said pretty rushed but she's trying to calm herself down. she lets jay in the house and he sets layla on the couch and goes back towards erin who hasn't left her spot. he pulls her close to him wrapping his arms around her fragile body. her breathing started to slow down and she went limp in his arms. her head was buried into his chest breathing in the sent of his cologne that always seemed to calm her down. he swayed her side to side very gently where they were standing. she finally lifted herself off him and looked into his still worried eyes.

"jay, i'm fine there's nothing to worry about. i just kinda panicked for a while." she calmly said

"no matter what you say i'm still going to worry about you. so please when i say this i want the honest truth. what's wrong?"

sighing she finally answers after a while "i'm just scared that what ever is between us that it's only going to effect her in the future. i don't want her to grow up in a broken family like i did. and this is what it's turning out to and she's only 18 months old. she's starting to understand things more."

"er, we are far from over" he points out

"then what are we doing jay? why is it that i can't seem to trust you at the moment?" she looked up at him with sad eyes. she wants to believe that they can figure this out but there is still something that's holding her back.

"there's nothing going on with me. you don't have to worry about that."

"but there is something jay. you just don't go and party all the time. that's not like you." she was starting to get a little frustrated with him.

"er i swear to god there is nothing." he forcefully gets out before he starts heading towards the door. "you know i still like to think we could work this out but if you can't trust me. i don't know what.." he glanced to her and with that he headed out.

"then who's abby?" erin bitterly got out before jay fully walked out the door

that immediately got jay's attention "how do you know about abby?"

"who is she jay? she blew up your phone when you were in the shower a few weeks ago. is she the person you've been out with?" jay was silent trying to think of what to say next. "just answer the damn question jay!"

"you don't need to worry about her. she's just an old friend that work with me on my last tour. i met with her once recently, but i swear it was nothing." he said calmly

"i don't believe that... can you please just leave. i can't look at you right now."

"erin..."

"please just go" she forcefully got out before turning her back towards him.

as soon a he walks out of the door and she hears it close, everything erin felt during that whole conversation finally came out. leaving the still sleeping child where her father left her she ran up to her room before letting it all out. she leaned up against the closed door, knees pulled up to her chest with her hand over her mouth to quite down the sobs so she wouldn't be too loud and wake up her daughter. once it was only down to tears streaming down her face she gets up an heads to the bathroom where there on the sink was something she'd never thought she'd ever look at again.

already knowing that her suspicions are correct she picks up the test to see a plus sign indicating that she was once again pregnant. which made erin even more terrified due to the fact jay doesn't even look like he's in the picture for this one. everything with jay, this girl abby, the "break up", and this baby made everything start to spin in erin's head.

her breathing started to pick up and she was struggling to try to sit on the floor before she hurt herself badly. she was starting to have another panic attack and nobody was here with her to help calm her down. fumbling for her phone in her back pocket she calls the one person she knows that could help her. after two rings the other line picked up.

"what's up erin" she's hears his rasp voice

"hank, i need help" she struggled to get out her sentence

"what's going on. erin what happened?"

"i'm having a panic attack and can't get it to stop." everything started getting faster and erin was soon unable to even speak

"erin stay put. i'm coming."

"please don't tell jay"

"he needs to know"

"please don't tell him. you can't" and that was the last word erin got out before she dropped the phone and curled up into a little ball on the bathroom floor praying that hank would get here fast.

meanwhile back at the 21st jay walk up to intelligence furious getting looks by the others.

"halstead you're late" voight called out after jay got settled in his desk.

"sorry i was talking with erin after i dropped layla off, we talked, and i lot track of time."

"don't let it happen again."

"won't boss"

"now since halstead decided to show up i need you all to go and pick up what ever you can find about this ongoing attack on women there has been 5 and we still haven't found the attacker. so i need you all to go and talk to families. see if there's anything in common that they have. "

just before he could get out another word his phone rings. seeing erin's name pop up on the screen he dismisses everyone and goes into in office and shuts the door. jay on the other hand stays back wondering who it could possibly be even though he had a pretty good idea who it was.

"i'm coming" voight says before hanging up and rushing out of his office.

"boss was that erin?"

"halstead what the hell are you still doing here. go. you have a job todo. i'll be back in a little bit i have to go take care of something real quick. tell antonio he's in charge until i get back" and with that he goes down the stairs two at a time leaving jay standing in the middle of the room.

rushing into the front door hank sees layla still asleep on the couch. after glancing at her for a short period of time he runs into erin's room where he finds it shut. almost breaking the door, he sees her curled up halfway in the entrance between her bedroom and the bathroom. he can visibly she her body shake and her eyes are opening and closing every once in a while.

slowly getting down at her level he gently wrapped his arms around her very fragile state. she was reluctant at first but then she starts to calm down and go limp just like she did earlier when jay came by in the morning.

"erin what happened. you haven't had one of these in forever." he whispered

"this is my second time i've had one today" she breathes out. still trying to steady herself

"how come?"

"the first one was before jay came and i took a pregnancy test. and before i could look at it he rang the door bell. but i honestly just knew then even if i didn't look at it. and then i has a slight one and he saw it and he calmed me down." hank just nodded indicating her that he was listening and for her to keep going.

"when he asked me what's wrong i couldn't bring myself to tell him so i told him that i didn't want layla to grow up in a broken family and he understood. but i still feel like he's hiding something and when i asked him about abby he freaked on me. i told him to leave and i came up here and cried." everything started picking up once again but hank immediate stopped it. whispering things in her ear. "i then came up here and looked at the test and it's positive. and then everything just started spinning and i couldn't breath properly. i was loosing it. so that's when i called you. i'm sorry if i freaked you out." she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"you didn't freak me out kid. but i guess my actions did make jay wonder"

erin's head shot up "you didn't tell him?"

"no i didn't" when she heard that she calmed back and laid her head where it was before.

"he's worried about you kid."

"i know. i'm just not ready yet." with that her hand made the way to her stomach.

"he needs to know. you can't hide forever."

with her hand still laying gently on her stomach she pulled her knees up to her chest but still continued to have her head on her father figures shoulder.

"i'm just not ready to face this. especially now with this whole abby thing. i think he's cheating on me hank. i really do."

"erin i doubt that. he loves you way too much. he even said that he wanted to try to fix things when i talked to him a few days ago."

before she could say a word layla had somehow found a way to make it to the room where they were at. she was at the door.

"mama" she called out. erin crawled to her daughter pulling her close and giving her a kiss on the head. "how are you doing baby girl. mommy missed you so much". the little girl just smiled.

"i have to go back to the district. they are going to start wondering where i've been. i'll see you later." giving her a quick kiss on the head and one for layla on the cheek. hank left the two in the middle of erin's bedroom and headed back over to the district.


	7. Chapter 7

_same day as the last chapter_

hank walks into intelligence to see the guys talk about the information they grabbed from the case.

"boss, we may have found the guy." antonio says as soon as he see voight in his sight

"david castel, 35. was charged multiple times for abuse. each of the victims found him on an online dating app." jay put in

"do we have a location on the guy?"

"not yet. mouse is currently trying to track him through his profile account. but we haven't been any luck" antonio said before looking back at the board.

"tell me when you have something. we need to get this guy before he gets anyone else." hank demanded before heading to his office. jay slowly got out of his desk and went through the office doors.

"i know you said i should leave it but i need to know what happened with erin." jay begged trying to get answers about his wife

"i'm not allowed to say anything because she specifically told me not to." hank bitterly for our before looking back down at the papers on his desk

jay sat down in the chair across from voight trying to recall what happened this morning. "she looked petrified when she opened the door. she said that it was because she was scared layla is growing up like her. but there's something else going on. she had a panic attack..." jay talked to himself and then looked a hank who didn't even have to say anything

"she called you because she had a panic attack and it's something i did and it freaked her out. i'm right, aren't i?" he look at him with desperation trying to get a response out of him. "you don't have to tell me what it is but please just tell me she's okay."

"she's fine jay. just a lot of things going on in her mind right now." he makes a quick response.

before jay could get out another word ruzek comes in through the doors. "jay there's an abby here to see you? she says it's urgent." jay quickly turned her head towards adam and went to go and find her.

pacing through the district

it was around noon when erin thought it would be a perfect time for her to go up to the district with layla to see her father and the rest of her family. she was starting to get restless and too hyper for erin's liking and with all the events that happened earlier. everything was still making erin's head spin and unable to have her full attention on layla. she grabbed all of the necessities that her daughter would need for the rest of the day, packed up everything in the car and drove to the 21st.

although the ride was short, her daughter made it almost impossible not to have a peaceful car ride. she's always hated riding in her car seat. the only time it is ever peaceful is if someone, aka jay is in the car with her or it is close to nap time. and since neither of the two are an option erin had to deal with her screaming child. "layla hunny? do you wanna see dada?" erin excitedly said in her baby voice as she took a quick glance at her daughter through the rear view mirror. layla squealed with delight when she heard the term "dada". "you excited princess? daddy's gonna be so happy he gets to see you today." she speaks over her daughters obnoxious squeals.

within seconds after their little conversation erin pulled up in her normal parking spot. she put the diaper bag on her shoulder and went to grab her daughter who wouldn't sit still. after various attempts on trying to get her settled in her arms, she then placed her on the ground and held her tiny hand and walked into the district with her.

"lindsay, it great to see you again. it's been a while" platt greeted way too happy. it's was almost scary.

"pat" layla yelled. she couldn't say platt that well but trudy didn't mind at all. she loves the little halstead way too much to ever get mad at her.

"well hello layla. my you've grown since i last saw you" she looked at the mini halstead in admiration. "you defiantly have your hands full erin." she looks at erin sternly

"tell me about it." erin rolled her eyes in the way everyone knows about. "not only do i have to take care of an 18 month old. i also have to watch over a grown man who acts like a 3 yr old. they are ridiculous."

"anyways can you buzz me up?" she questioned

"sure thing. bye layla, i'll see you later" she waves at the little girl

once erin gets up into the room all the guys stare at her. she stood frozen, unlike layla who immediately ran up to her grandfather to say hi.

"erin!" they all were surprised to see her after some time. "what are you doing back here?" antonio question giving her a hug. he's always been like an older brother to her.

"well layla was getting very hyper and i can't keep her entertained that much. but i see that you guys are working a case right now. i can go back home." erin stuttered and almost called layla over to her when she got interrupted.

"no big deal linds. we could all use a little break." ruzek replied while he tried to layla's attention. she really wasn't too fond of her uncle adam. but he was very determined to get her to like him.

"um where's jay? i need to talk to him about something" erin said as she set her stuff down looking across at the vacant desk where her husband usually sits.

"oh he's talking with this girl named abby." adam said without really thinking

"he's what!?" erin raised her voice in frustration. hank saw how this was making her very livid.

"yeah. some girl named abby came here and wanted to talk to him." ruzek kept saying still oblivious, like he normally is.

"dude. just shut up" atwater snapped at him

"i don't get what the whole problem is. she asked where he was and i told her the truth." adam started to get frustrated by this whole conversation. all he was doing was telling her where he was.

"ruzek you have 5 seconds to tell me why abby has come here for" erin said in a stern tone getting closer to ruzek

"linds. you really think she has something for jay come on."

"3 seconds. and i'm not kidding ruzek. i will hurt you" she looked him in the eyes.

"i don't know what she wants. i swear to god. all she did was come up and said she needed to speak to jay. so i told jay that she was here after he talked to voight in his office. he seemed pretty frightened when i mention her name." ruzek quickly got out not catching a breath until he was finished. he was now terrified of erin

"did you tell jay? after i told you not to?" erin looked at hank with sad eyes

"he figured it out for himself." he got out before he went back to what he was doing.

erin kept staring at jay's empty desk. like she was on her frozen lake and she couldn't move because she didn't want it to break. "i think he's in the locker room" ruzek said quietly putting a hand on her shoulder. quickly, she made her way down there.

meanwhile, while that was going on jay was in another room discussing the past with abby.

"what are you doing here?"

"i just came to see you. does there have to be a reason?" she smiled and stepped closer towards him

stepping away from her, jay looked her in the eyes and tried to make sense on all of this. "i'm with someone abby."

"well you aren't just with someone. you're married." she smirked and saw jay fiddle with the wedding band on his finger.

"yeah. and i have an 18th month old daughter. so can you just please tell me what the hell you are doing here in chicago." he said

"well i don't know how you could have gotten married." she sasses

"what do you mean by that?" he gets close to her but not enough to where their bodies were touching. only looking at her back he forcefully turns he around to where he could see her face.

"were still married jay" she smiles and tried to kiss him. he stepped back and held his arms out to block her from him

"what do you mean we are still married? i signed the divorce papers 8 years ago." he was utterly confused.

"i never filed them silly." she smiles even more. "after to gave them to me i realized that i never got to tell you that i loved you. and when i tried to tell you the next day you disappeared and like fell of the face of the earth." she strokes his arms which sends him tingles but not the kind that happens when erin does it.

"we are never getting together."

"oh come on. do you really want to be with this erin girl for the rest of your life? i mean i've heard that their has been trouble in paradise." she turns her back towards him again.

"how do you know about that? who gave you the right to look into my personal life?" his voice started getting louder

"i have connections"

"there is no way i'm still married to you. the court would have found the document somewhere in my file. you have to be kidding with me right now."

"you're married?" erin quietly whispered in the doorway. both jay and abby sharply turned their heads to reveal a broken erin. "you're married to someone other than me?" tears were started clouding up her vision.

"erin." jay started to walk up to her but she backed up and ran out of the doorway.

"well looks like that's over." abby was smiling like the cheshire cat. she tried so hard to keep her excitement in.

"screw you abby" jay sassed before he went to chase after erin.

he frantically looked everywhere around the district for her. she wasn't in any of her normal spots which worried jay very much. he made his way to the bull pen panicked but it slowly went down when he saw that her stuff was still at her desk. so she wasn't too far away.

"dada" layla screeched and wobbled over to him.

he picks her and holds her above his head before setting her down on his hip. "hi princess. i missed you" he gives her a light kiss on her head. "does anyone know where erin went?" he pleaded.

"no" they all responded at once

"dude what happened" ruzek asked

"i'd rather not say and can you stop being so nosey?" jay snapped

ruzek just put his hands up in defeat while the rest of the unit glared at him.

"here princess stay here with uncle toni and i'll be back as soon as i can." he passed her to antonio and raced back to keep looking for her.

erin on the other hand had locked herself in the large bathroom stall. she sat on the somewhat clean floor curled up into a ball. her head was in between her knees and the echoing of her sobs sounded louder than they really were in the cold empty bathroom.

she sat there quietly thinking how jay couldn't tell her that he was married before. i mean she knew that abby was an old friend of his but it never dawned on her that he was actually married to this girl and apparently still is.

once again, everything started to make erin's head spin just like it did earlier this morning, and guess what, it was because of him. she put her hands on her head thinking that it would help block out everything that was going on around her. she couldn't face this anymore, she was so damn tired of thinking that she could fix whatever has been broken between them. but without any help for him, their relationship didn't look like it was worth fighting for anymore. she was done.

"hey there you are" she heard softly. feeling the same happiness she's always gotten when he was in her presence.

he stood in front of her and squat down to her level "can you please look at me?" he called out in desperation. "please..."

but there was no movement from her. she didn't even want to look at him in the eyes. all she wanted was for him to just disappear and go back to what ever makes him happy. because it obviously wasn't her.

his legs started getting tired from the position he was currently in. so with that he plopped down right in front of her with his arms wrapped around his knees which were pulled as close as they could to his chest with his head resting on top. looking at the most perfect human being he had ever laid his eyes on.

all there was, was faint echoes of her sniffling. once jay had enough with all of the somewhat quietness he gently lifted her head up to where he could see into her sad, yet still gorgeous hazel colored eyes.

"er, you gotta talk to me." he looked at her with desperation. "i need to know what's going on in the beautiful head of yours."

but she just stayed silent, like someone had taken her voice and she could no longer speak. she shook her head no and resumed in the same position as she was before.

"okay, then i'll speak. is that okay with you?" he lightly questioned and got a nod in response from her.

"i should have told you i was married to abby. i was stupid, okay. i don't even remember that night because we both were pretty drunk. a few weeks after i filed for divorce and i swear to god that she said she would sign them and file them. but apparently she didn't." he replied in a gentle tone. but there still was no sign that erin wanted to hear any of this.

"can you please just say something so i know that you are listening. you're killing me here. i can't take this silence." he rose his voice up and it startled her. her eyes started to become glossy again.

"was our whole marriage a lie?" she muffled into her clothes.

"i don't know what you just said"

she slowly rose her head up, eyes threatening to spills tears. taking a deep breath she finally repeated her question. "was our whole marriage a lie?"

"w-what? how could you say that?" he stammered

she closed her eyes wanting to get the picture of him looking at her like that.

"how am i legally erin halstead if you are married to this other girl." her voice stared to crack. "is everything from the past 5 years all just some big lie that i'm living?" the whole "i'm not going to cry act" didn't work well because the blockade that was holding back all the tears broke and it was just a waterfall from there.

he gently pulled her into his arms trying to console her loud sobs that bounced off the walls. his shirt was now soaked with her salty tears that he caused once again. whispering shhh"s in her ear and kissed the top of her head multiple times. but nothing seemed to calm the poor fragile girl.

"nothing was ever a lie erin. what we've been through these past 5 years weren't a lie. i'm going to go down to the court and find everything i can that's behind this. i never meant for this to happen." he cried into her hair.

"please believe me when i say that everything that we've been though wasn't some fantasy. it was real life and we got through so much shit."

her crying started to die down. without drawing attention she cautiously put her arm protectively around her belly where their unborn child currently resided. the child he doesn't even know about. tears started to prick her eyes but she blinked them back. all she felt was his slow heartbeat up against her ear and his hand going up and down across her back.

"i love you. i hope you know that" he breathed in her lavender scented shampoo.

she just closed her eyes. and they just sat in the middle of a bathroom stall on the floor for the time being.


	8. Chapter 8

it has been a month and a half since the whole abby incident flipped erin's world once again. how she was never told that her so called husband was married before or how he says that nothing was a ever a lie with him. to her mind nothing would ever be the same now. the two have communicated a little bit more to somehow rekindle their broken marriage, but there was still something blocking them that they really can't pinpoint what it is.

partially it was because erin still hadn't told jay about about her pregnancy which by this time she dosen't know how he hasn't found out about it yet. they practically spend hours together at work and how he can't see through the very loose clothing or miscellaneous items she wore when she was pregnant with layla. well it was beyond her, not to mention that this was far her worst pregnancy ever due to all the morning sickness, or was it all day sickness. she would calmly walk to the bathroom every few hours or she would go "take a walk" as she called it when she felt a little queasy. jay always knew that something was up with her but he took it as she caught a bug as it was nearing that time even though it wasn't that cold out. there was always germs spreading around in the daycare layla is currently being placed.

erin's day started off like it normally does. she usually gets awoken from her sleep at around 6 to go puke out whatever she last ate into the toilet, trying to gather all of her hair so it won't get vomit all over it. she silently thinks to herself that jay is right in the other room getting out of bed and getting ready to come in and help her, but without no movement and remembering she's not in the apartment anymore. she knows that she is still alone in this process. she then tried to go lay back down not only to be awoken by her daughter crying for her from the bedroom. she silently curses to herself to get a grip and just tell jay so that he could help her with all of this but she is then hit with the fact that he is trying to get his divorce with abby finalized and it's been a struggle.

abby refuses to sign away her "husband" who she hasn't seen in years because he ran away after the first time he signed the papers thinking she would too and it would be over. nope, now she is trying to win him back even though jay specifically tells her that he doesn't want to be with her. causing more stress on erin on top of many other things they need to do as a couple.

they need to talk about the night where erin left jay standing in the middle of their living room floor, more so the part where he said that he didn't want her to be pregnant with layla. then she really needs to know more details about this abby chick, because she knows there is more to the story than jay is telling her. and finally she needs to tell him about his second child that is on its way. well it's technically his third. but time is ticking before he finds out for himself.

erin is already almost 4 months pregnant and there is already a bump forming. luckily she still gets by with it but it isn't going to be long before her stomach grows bigger.

after all of the thoughts that ran through her head and speaking out loud ranting, layla had finally been put back to sleep which means erin could go back to her bed and try to sleep. she tried to see a little bit longer before she officially had to get ready for work, but a weird, queasiness feeling started to bubble up inside her making her very restless.

before she knew it she was up and ready getting her and layla ready for the day. she needed to drop layla at daycare a little earlier so she could get to work at her usual time, but of course that isn't going to happen at all. she's still throwing u and having these weird pains. but she ignored it.

once she got upstairs she is greeted by the team already being briefed for their next case. she quietly makes it to her desk without making much of a scene. already looking up things about their victim. the faster they get this case done, the faster she can go home and rest because she wasn't having it today.

jay kept glancing at her every once in awhile.

surprisingly the stroking movement she's been making to her side has calmed her down a bit but it was still unbearable at times. she saw jay get up from her desk which caused her to drop her hand.

"are you feeling okay?"

"yeah, my stomach is just a little upset" hoping that he would buy it

"you sure you don't need to go home?" he was concerned

"i'm fine jay, really" she mentioned before going back to her screen. he walked away and the breath she didn't know she was holding was let out.

nearing 11 is when erin couldn't handle it anymore, it was starting to affect the way she was thinking. they haven't found anything for the case and all the dead ends they were hitting started making her very irritable. she got up from her desk and went over to voight's office.

"hey, you know as much as i'd like to be here to help take down this guy. i just can't seem to focus. i'm just not in my right mode at the moment" she said

"go home. either jay or i will pick up layla and one of us will watch her for you so you don't have to worry and you won't have to take care of her" he noted before earning a light smile from erin.

"i'll probably ask jay on my way out, he hasn't seen her in a while" she put out before she exited the room. jay met her halfway before he started asking questions.

"i'm going home, i thought it would pass but it's not. i'm not in the right mode to help you guys with this case. can you please pick layla up and just drop her off at hank's." she looked up at him

"yeah i can do that. do you need me to get you anything before i drop her off?" he asked

"not that i know of but i'll text you if i think of something" she smiled while she put her hand on his chest like she normally does. before she grabbed her bags and went down stairs.

erin had been home since lunchtime, she told hank that she wasn't feeling well and that she needed to go home. home, that's exactly where she went, not hank's house where she had been staying, but the place where she first told jay she loved him, the place where they brought their daughters home after coming from the hospital, the place where they would sneak around before anyone knew about him. that's where she really wanted to be at the moment.

once she entered she was brought about a slight mess around the place, one she would never really have. there was toys scattered across the floor dishes stacked up in the sink. she was shocked to see the place such a mess. yeah she would have known jay would be a mess, but she never thought it would be this bad.

once again she was filled with this pain and uneasy feeling inside again. she gently walked over to the couch and curled up into a ball wishing for it to stop. eventually she dozed off not to be awoken 3 hours later to jay coming home from work. he just dropped layla off over at hank's hoping he could chat with erin for a bit, but when he told him that she wasn't here he started to get a little worried. but he just assumed that she was over at kim's seeing as she is still taking care of her sister at the moment.

he was about to start off his normal routine like he usually does when he gets home. except before he started he heard a faint moan coming for the living room. he drew his gun getting ready for who ever was in the apartment, but eventually placed it on the coffee table seeing as it was just erin.

she was curled up in a little ball holding the lower part of her abdomen flinching at any certain pain that shot through her. as it started to increase she curled up even more earning some concerned looks from jay.

"erin?" he heard her make a slight noise in response. he sat down as close as he could and started to rub the side that was facing towards him in a circular motion. only to get he wincing in pain even more and silently crying to herself. "er what's wrong?" as he was slightly started getting more worried as nothing was helping her.

all he could get from her response was "it hurts." by doing so carefully he picks her up bridal style only to get more noises and tears and carried her out to the car. once they got to med he heard her say "i'm sorry" before she was taken away.

minutes later will came by to the waiting room saying that she's fine but there was something that she needed to tell him. he "ran" down the hall to her room.

faint cries could be heard outside of her door. when he walked in she could feel his presence which only made her cry harder. "i swear i was going to tell you" she got out before she completely broke down again. quickly he went over to her bed and wrapped his arms around her letting her cry without asking her what he heck is going on.

after her sobs had subsided the room was completely silent all that could be heard was her struggled breaths.

"i'm really sorry. i know that i should've told you, heck there has been so many times that i wanted to i just didn't think it was the right time."

"are you saying what i think you're saying"

"yes" she responded before she broke again all the guilt in her for keeping i from him for so long finally caught up with her. and now there was nothing, she was completely empty. there was nothing to tell him anymore. maybe this was the way the gods were punishing her for keeping it from him, for her being such a horrible person.

"shhhh, you did nothing wrong" he tried to reassure her

"but it is, i kept it from you for so long, i never got a chance to tell you because i didn't want to and now there's nothing to tell because it's gone" her voice broke and that's what tore jay apart. yes he was disappointed about this child she was carrying that he never knew about. but he knows her reasons behind it. things haven't been any easy since his previous marriage came back into play, he knew how much it hurt erin.

"it'll be okay erin, i promise" he whispered in her ear before giving a kiss to her as she turned her position to bury herself closer to hs chest.


End file.
